Confidence v. Arrogance - There IS a Difference

I’ve been coaching baseball for about 13 years – age groups from 4-year olds to 15-year olds – and I’ve come to appreciate a certain amount of confidence and cockiness in a player. It’s probably because with that oftentimes comes some sharp, sarcastic wit – and I LOVE that, even in kids.

I had a player about six or seven years ago who I love to talk about to this day. He played shortstop for me and he was our closer (the pitcher who comes in at the end of the games to preserve a win). I can’t tell you how many times I brought him into a game in a really tight situation – bases loaded, no outs, bottom of the last inning up by one. Yeah. Uncomfortable.

Matt didn’t care one bit – he knew he was capable of handling the situation and relished the opportunity to test himself. I don’t recall a time he didn’t succeed although I’m sure over the years there were some. But he delivered in the clutch consistently and always with a smile.

He was a big time travel hockey guy too, and he played baseball like a hockey player – 1000% everything, all the time. He was sharp as a tack – always with the snappy comeback and that twinkle in his eye. It was never disrespectful, but usually just a little left of center. Cocky and confident. He was also respectful to his teammates, and they willingly recognized him as a leader on the team, and had confidence in his ability to lead.

I had another player some years later who also had very promising skills on the field – especially at the plate. This guy could flat out hit. He also had a great deal of confidence in himself on the mound. And while he didn’t get the same consistent results as Matt, it didn’t seem to affect his image of self.

The difference between the second player and the first player is that the second player crossed the cocky/confident line to arrogance. He had a belief that he was better than those around him – including his teammates. That’s hard to coach, and hard to incorporate into a team setting. And because of his arrogance, he didn’t have the respect of his teammates.

On the other side of that fine line past cocky and confident where arrogance starts, it’s hard to communicate and collaborate too. And I don’t know anyone who relishes arrogance as a trait to admire, but I really loathe any kind of condescension – especially arrogance. Arrogant people seem to have a belief that the rules of comportment – in business and in their personal lives – don’t apply to them; that they are somehow above it all.

For me the difference between cocky and confident, and arrogant is this: Cocky and confident means I believe in myself. Arrogant means I believe I’m better than you.

I know that not everyone is comfortable with cocky, but there is a certain amount of self confidence that is necessary to be successful in life and in business. It’s the inner voice that says, “Bring on the challenge. I’m ready to test myself and make myself better. I can do this.” There’s a belief in yourself, and there’s a willingness and eagerness to continuously learn and improve yourself as a person.

On the flip side of that, I’d argue that arrogance stands in the way of progress because the arrogant person oftentimes doesn’t believe that improvement is necessary – he may even believe that improvement isn’t possible; I don’t know. What I do know is that no matter who you are there is always an opportunity to learn, and there is always someone who knows something you don’t know. Yes, there is always someone smarter than you.

Effective leaders, and those who wish to become effective leaders understand the concept of lifelong learning both personally and professionally. They have the self-confidence to be open to learning; the self confidence to admit they don’t know everything, and the willingness to learn from those around them – even those in subordinate roles.

Self confidence and a healthy belief in yourself is great. Arrogance and condescension may work for a while, but you’ll never truly have allies to help you succeed in life or business. Effective leaders not only have confidence (some with a dash of cocky), they also have another necessary ingredient – committed followers.

Satisfaction is Good, Engagement is Great

I was at my youngest son’s high school baseball game last night, and my wife and I chose to sit in seats that were somewhat away from the other parents on the team. We chose the spot not to be antisocial, but so that we could have a fuller view of the entire field – we hate obstructed-view seats!

After we’d been there for a while one of the other dads came over and sat down next to me and said, “Man, I wish I’d waited until you guys got here ‘cause I got my chair in the wrong place, and I don’t wanna be rude and move now. They’re all over there talking non-stop, and none of it’s about baseball; not even this game.”

It got me thinking about the difference between satisfaction and engagement (Yeah, I know. I can’t help it.)

You see those folks sitting over there talking were very happy to be at the game and socialize – and maybe even miss a play, hit, or pitch. That’s satisfaction.

For my wife (Chaney) and I, and that other dad, we’re happy to be there, and we’re willing to socialize between innings, but we don’t want to miss any of the action on the field. We’re not only there because our kids are playing; we’re also real baseball fans. That’s engagement.

Satisfaction is great and it’s a nice goal for companies to reach for – it means they care about their employees. But engagement is a difference maker. With engagement they’re not only satisfied, they’re giving that extra effort that turns into positive results on the bottom line for their organization.

Employee engagement is all about how the employee feels about the employer, and specifically the extra effort they’re willing to give.

That’s how you determine engagement – with that extra effort – not satisfaction, and that’s why companies with a higher level of engagement outperform those with lower engagement (or worse, disengagement).

The key with engagement is the reciprocal relationship between the two: What extra effort is the employer willing to give in return? If employees don’t have that connection with the employer, there’s virtually no chance for engagement.

That’s where managers come in.

Managers at all levels play a very important role in the engagement equation because they are the ones with whom employees (direct reports) have the most contact – to many employees their manager IS the company.

Good managers are in tune with their people and know how to motivate each of them individually. If they’re effective, that can lead to engagement and the extra effort that comes with it. The payback for managers is better personnel development, better unit performance and better company performance – it’s a can’t lose proposition.

It’s good to have satisfied employees. It’s great to have engaged employees.

If you want to improve yourself as a manager, ask yourself this question: Are my people there to socialize, or are they there to watch the game?